Not to many people know that as a child I was really tiny. I am not saying that I'm a huge super tall person but I am 5'6 one of the tallest people in my house. (my dad says hes taller but we are the same size). My parents and grandparents like to tell people about how much they used to pray for me to grow. Like really? Is it so bad to be short? I guess to them it was. I was also a very late bloomer. My older sister and I are only a year and a half apart my mother loved to dress us up the same like twins for years. Neon spandex shorts and side pony tale oh yeah child of the eighties! Now my sister had a growth spur and she passed me in height got all cute and skinny while I still looked like an umpa lumpa. No lie. Hence all the praying? The summer between 8th grade and 9th grade all I remember doing was sleeping and eating cereal all day long. That is also the time I had my growth spur. I came back to school taller then my 5'2 older sister and sporting the very visible "girls".Now why am I having this flash back to puberty? Good question. I have found my self going through another growth spurt.
This Growth isn't not physically. I really don't want to be taller. All my friends are short so its weird. But in my personal life and spiritual life I have been doing a lot of growing. Now unlike physical growth, these past few years I have been fighting the growth. Now that I have stopped fighting it I hoped that the "pain" it comes with would go away. But then I realized that with growth their is pain. I felt out of place after my sister bloomed she was super pretty and I felt ugly with my nappy curly hair. I felt as if everyone else was growing up and I was being left behind. I felt alone. That was my pain. Not necessarily physical pain like ouch my legs hurt but I felt out of place.
As a 27 year old adult I am once again feeling pain. But I know that with the pain I am growing. Its needed. I've been learning to really let God lead my life. Its been tough. I have had a lot of tough choices to make and I really had to put on my Big Girl Pants this year. I know you would think that by my age I would have done that a long time ago. I've been avoiding it, living in Never land (that's another blog for another day). I am excepting this growth and all that comes with it even if that means its going to hurt and I will cry like a baby (which I have already). So Growth + Pain = Beauty. That's the way I see it.
Take a moment and do some stretches, you don't want to pull a muscle.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Me,myself and I?
I just found some things out about myself. I am a fighter, a helper, a good friend who goes above and beyond, and very stubborn person. These all sound like great things right? Well they can be and they can also be a problem. WHAT? How so? Let me explain....
I recently had a pair of eye glasses that broke a while back. I tried everything to keep these old glasses together. They were super glued a hundred times over and even had a nail placed to keep them together. My eyesight is not that terrible I can still see and drive fine but I love my glasses. They are a part of me. I love to try to fix things and find other uses for items that should just be tossed. I blame my mother, she loves to save things and say "I can always make something else out of it." Bless her lovely heart but it has made me in to a saver of all things trash. lol It turns out I maintain this philosophy in all aspects of my life, with friends, relationships and even work. Now the issue with this is I spend and even waist(see last blog on time) time trying to fix old and broken things even when they are beyond repair. I spend too much trying to maintain and help people who refuse to be helped or want change. I give so much of myself and don't even realize it.
Back to my glasses, I finally get my eyes checked and I am thinking my eyes have gotten worse. I have been finding it hard to focus with my old glued glasses, having lots of migraines and hurting eyes. I'm thinking its because with age my eyes are getting worse. So to my amazement the doctor tells me that its not my eyes that have gotten worse BUT that my glasses were the wrong perception!!! Say what??? Ya that was my response. I was given a stronger prescription then I needed. It was not my eyes that were getting worse. It was not me who was bad or off. The connection here is that while I'm trying to help items or people I get the strange idea that its my fault why I can't help. But just like I was told it was not MY fault at all with the glasses but an actual problem with the glasses its self, that's how it is in real life. The people who I try to help and "rescue" cant be helped not because there is an issue with me, not because I'm not smart enough, not because I don't "understand" but because the problem is with them. They don't want the help or just are not ready to receive the help. I have given all of myself for friends and others and been left hurt wondering what could I have done differently? Whats wrong with me that I couldn't help? Did I not try hard enough? Why did I fail? By me refusing to not give up and be that super understanding loving person who sees the good in them, I have just hurt myself more. All we can do in these circumstances is bring it to God and let him handle it. I can not be the problem solver, I need to know when to let God do the fighting instead of me. Its not me Failing...
The Lesson learned here is that no matter how hard we try, how hard we try to pull or help someone if they are not ready to receive the help it does no good. We are selves get hurt and overwhelmed and even dragged down with them and their problems instead of us helping them. I think it is all about timing. In Gods time things are done right. We can not be "Time Lords", we got to leave that to the Doctor (for my doctor who fans).
I now know my LIMITS. Do you know yours?
I am a rescuer. I am helper.
Take a moment and answer this: I am a.....
I recently had a pair of eye glasses that broke a while back. I tried everything to keep these old glasses together. They were super glued a hundred times over and even had a nail placed to keep them together. My eyesight is not that terrible I can still see and drive fine but I love my glasses. They are a part of me. I love to try to fix things and find other uses for items that should just be tossed. I blame my mother, she loves to save things and say "I can always make something else out of it." Bless her lovely heart but it has made me in to a saver of all things trash. lol It turns out I maintain this philosophy in all aspects of my life, with friends, relationships and even work. Now the issue with this is I spend and even waist(see last blog on time) time trying to fix old and broken things even when they are beyond repair. I spend too much trying to maintain and help people who refuse to be helped or want change. I give so much of myself and don't even realize it.
Back to my glasses, I finally get my eyes checked and I am thinking my eyes have gotten worse. I have been finding it hard to focus with my old glued glasses, having lots of migraines and hurting eyes. I'm thinking its because with age my eyes are getting worse. So to my amazement the doctor tells me that its not my eyes that have gotten worse BUT that my glasses were the wrong perception!!! Say what??? Ya that was my response. I was given a stronger prescription then I needed. It was not my eyes that were getting worse. It was not me who was bad or off. The connection here is that while I'm trying to help items or people I get the strange idea that its my fault why I can't help. But just like I was told it was not MY fault at all with the glasses but an actual problem with the glasses its self, that's how it is in real life. The people who I try to help and "rescue" cant be helped not because there is an issue with me, not because I'm not smart enough, not because I don't "understand" but because the problem is with them. They don't want the help or just are not ready to receive the help. I have given all of myself for friends and others and been left hurt wondering what could I have done differently? Whats wrong with me that I couldn't help? Did I not try hard enough? Why did I fail? By me refusing to not give up and be that super understanding loving person who sees the good in them, I have just hurt myself more. All we can do in these circumstances is bring it to God and let him handle it. I can not be the problem solver, I need to know when to let God do the fighting instead of me. Its not me Failing...
The Lesson learned here is that no matter how hard we try, how hard we try to pull or help someone if they are not ready to receive the help it does no good. We are selves get hurt and overwhelmed and even dragged down with them and their problems instead of us helping them. I think it is all about timing. In Gods time things are done right. We can not be "Time Lords", we got to leave that to the Doctor (for my doctor who fans).
I now know my LIMITS. Do you know yours?
I am a rescuer. I am helper.
Take a moment and answer this: I am a.....
Friday, February 22, 2013
Time
Time:
It's about time I post something here! It has been over 7 months since I last updated. Time is such a beautiful ugly topic. Time is fleeting...time is of the essence... and it goes ever on! What does Time me to you? Is it something we let rule our lives? Do we live by the clock? Every move set and executed by those two little hands? Who am I kidding no one uses those clocks anymore its all digital. But my question is who do we let time handle us?
Some of us have no concept of time at all (me included). I have a horrible tendency to be late. My father always said that I would even be late to my own funeral, which I always said that at least that time it wont be MY fault. Two extremes. How do we find the balance between not being ruled by the clock and not screwing the clock. Within the last few weeks I have made a decision to not be running late all the time. Have I succeeded Well...not really, but I have been making changes which have been helping. How can we all make changes in our lives so we are in the balance with time?
Time can be such a beautiful thing. My adorable little nephew has been a great joy in my life. I have loved seeing him grow within the last few months. He is trying to crawl which is adorable (aww) But also time can be ugly. Waisted time can be ugly. Sometimes we don't even realize where all the darn time has gone. I know I haven't Time is fleeting...Hold onto it, cherish it, and love it. I have found my self multiple times wishing that i could just fast forward and skip the ugly hard parts of time. But what I have realized through many hard and ugly parts is that those are the beautiful times also. Their is growth. I am reminded of a line from a song: Beauty from Tears. So what to take away from this, well we all need to find a balance in our lives it may not be with time for some people but extremes can be fun but their is life in a balance.
Take a moment and check the time.
It's about time I post something here! It has been over 7 months since I last updated. Time is such a beautiful ugly topic. Time is fleeting...time is of the essence... and it goes ever on! What does Time me to you? Is it something we let rule our lives? Do we live by the clock? Every move set and executed by those two little hands? Who am I kidding no one uses those clocks anymore its all digital. But my question is who do we let time handle us?
Some of us have no concept of time at all (me included). I have a horrible tendency to be late. My father always said that I would even be late to my own funeral, which I always said that at least that time it wont be MY fault. Two extremes. How do we find the balance between not being ruled by the clock and not screwing the clock. Within the last few weeks I have made a decision to not be running late all the time. Have I succeeded Well...not really, but I have been making changes which have been helping. How can we all make changes in our lives so we are in the balance with time?
Time can be such a beautiful thing. My adorable little nephew has been a great joy in my life. I have loved seeing him grow within the last few months. He is trying to crawl which is adorable (aww) But also time can be ugly. Waisted time can be ugly. Sometimes we don't even realize where all the darn time has gone. I know I haven't Time is fleeting...Hold onto it, cherish it, and love it. I have found my self multiple times wishing that i could just fast forward and skip the ugly hard parts of time. But what I have realized through many hard and ugly parts is that those are the beautiful times also. Their is growth. I am reminded of a line from a song: Beauty from Tears. So what to take away from this, well we all need to find a balance in our lives it may not be with time for some people but extremes can be fun but their is life in a balance.
Take a moment and check the time.
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